Playing Under the House
The house I grew up in was an old country house that rested on pillars of brick. Because of being built this way, there was a space of between 3 to 4 feet between the floor and the ground. I remember the ground being exceedingly dry. It had doodlebugs in it (ant lions), and their cone-shaped dwellings gave the ground under the house and air of an alien landscape. I have been fascinated all my life with doodlebugs. Many times I have raised up too high and knocked a knot on my head as I have hit the sills under the house. I have heard the sound of “as a world time turns” and other programs that Mama listened to on the radio while she was ironing or doing housework. This place brought out many emotions and feelings. When you are young, every feeling is a unique expression in a fresh emotion. How exciting it is to discover the world with a young mind that is seeing and feeling things for the first time through new eyes of the spirit.
What was the big puzzle to me is why all these old soap operas had such dreary music. I would get in the mood that my world was coming to a quick end just by listening to it. Or I would at least think that my happiness could not remain long. As I was growing up I would often get the feeling of “lateness.” The best way I can describe it is that everything is that the world is passing you by, and you longer be able to stay the way you are. I guess the expression “life is passing you by” sort of explains that feeling.
One time dad was going fishing, and I got mad at him, for some reason. He dug his worms from the bait bed beside the old porch in the back of the house and then got ready to go.
“Kenny!” He called to me, But I didn’t answer. I just stayed they’re hidden under the house.
I still didn’t answer him. I just stay there and held my ground. Well, he finally gave up and got in the car and took off. When I heard that the car sound fading in the distance a feeling over remorse never felt before came over me. It was a feeling of utter loss. A great fishing trip that I could’ve go on was gone forever.
Oh! How terrible it was.
That’s the day I realized the feelings of “missed opportunities” that could enter one’s heart. It is a clear-cut case of losing out because the stubbornness of emotions.
As I matured in age, I began to realize that changes of life from my childhood to a different place in a sense began to fade. People that I thought were pillars and that would never crumble did. I never realized that I could get sick, die and then not be as invincible as I had always thought to be a given. This is a loss of security. This is growing up. Gradually, and in small doses are learned how to survive the large hurdles of life.